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Lenny Dykstra’s Twitter is effing insane

Legendary baseball player Lenny Dykstra, a.k.a. “Nails,” got himself a Twitter account earlier this month, and it’s a fucking trip.

In case you’re unfamiliar with Dykstra, here’s a quick overview of his glorious career.

That barely even scratches the surface of the guy. I personally spent a solid two hours of my day reading stories about Dykstra. For example, I learned today that he once bought Wayne Gretzky’s house for the purpose of trying to flip it for profit, but he wound up bailing on the venture, and left the house in ruins (Business Insider). Dykstra is without a doubt a train wreck, but he sure is a lovable one.

Dykstra’s Twitter account is almost too good to be true. He’s gotten verified though, so it must be real. His first tweet is just perfect.

Talk about making an entrance. To answer his question: Yes, you can say whatever the fuck you want. Please do so for as long and as often as possible.

Here Dykstra is drawing parallels between himself and Steph Curry. Great look for Dykstra, not a great look for Curry.

Dykstra is already making friends with other certified crazy ex-baseball player, Jose Canseco. Canseco just referred to Dykstra as his “little buddy.” That’s not normal. Dykstra is older than Canseco. I hope Dykstra knows what he’s getting into, because Canseco may be even more of a lunatic than he is.

Can you imagine if Canseco and Dykstra combined their brains and built an alien trap? That is a next level crazy person move right there. Canseco is whole other story though. Things really start going off the rails here on Dykstra’s second day of tweeting.

No clue what to make of this video. So many questions. Are any of those two voices his real voice? Did he find a cool new auto tune app on his phone? What do the lyrics of “Shake If Off” by Taylor Swift have to do with any of this? Doesn’t matter. Just keep shakin off the haters, Dykstra.

It gets weirder …

Personally, I voted for “Full House.” We all know Dykstra can talk baseball, but let’s see how much he knows about early 90s family sitcoms. I’m interested to see if he has any insight on parenting, or family life in general.

Now he flies off the handle …

Well that took an awesome turn real quick. I really want to know which three “Full House” characters Dykstra is referring to. There’s only one woman of legal age on the show. What a wildly inappropriate comment. Unless he’s looking for some John Stamos/Bob Saget action. This gives #NailsFullHouse a whole new meaning. Pun intended.

Do you think Dykstra is aware of the A++ puns he’s making? #NailsFullHouse? More like #NailsNailsFullHouse.

It’ll be interesting to see if he keeps this up. I’m still not totally convinced it’s really him that’s tweeting, but he’s verified, and everyone is talking about it like it’s the real thing. Isn’t it is a little bit odd though how well he’s using Twitter? Throwing @s towards Curry and Canseco to build his following. Then adding the . before the @ so everyone can see who he’s tweeting at directly?

(Yes, that is the Jenn Sterger. The Jenn Sterger Brett Favre allegedly once sent dick pics to)

Is it possible that Dykstra is this well versed at the Internet? I’m crossing my fingers that this isn’t just one big happy dream. I sure hope it’s real life. This is exactly what I would hope & expect out of a Dykstra run Twitter account. Assuming this is real, Twitter just got a whole lot more fun. Either way, make sure to give him a follow, and go along for the ride. This is 21st century entertainment at its finest.

Can’t wait for whatever it is Dykstra’s got coming out next. If his Twitter account is any indication, it’s going to be fire.

John Rich
richjohntv@gmail.com
Contributor





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